Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Judith.


Funny how things happen in this world. Last week I spoke to my lady friend Judith and she complains that she has a headache, so I gave her 2 pain tablets. Her “mild migrains” occur 2 to 3 times per week. So this week Tuesday she is on her way to work and while standing at the robot waiting for the light to go green another motorist smashes into the back of a woman’s car that was standing behind Judith hence she crashes in to Judith’s car. Luckily Judith gets a little whiplash and a few seatbelt bruises yet she is still taken for x-ray’s to see if she has any neck injuries.
As the doctor excamines the x-ray’s he sees a dark spot on the front part of Judith’s skull. They took the x-ray’s of Judith from her head to her shoulders, and the first thing the doc asks Judith, “Do you suffer from constant headache’s …?”

Yesterday she had a cat scan and a growth was found between the skull and brain what exactly it is they can’t say she must see a neurologist and the earliest appointment open is only in April. Apparently neurologists are scares in South-Africa and the ones that are here are booked full. So today Judith will go to her GP who will try to make a plan. I pray to God she can do something for my friend. Judith I know you are scared but all your friends and family are here and we pray and hope that God will help you in this hard time. You are not alone.

Al my liefde en sterkte aan jou my “maaikie”.

Gerhard.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Why do we work and pay tax in South Africa ?

A Zimbabwean arrives in Jo'burg as a new immigrant in South Africa . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. South African, for letting me in this country, and giving me free housing, food, free medical care, affirmative action job and free education!"

But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Nigerian. I'm just here for the free medical care"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in South Africa !"
The person says, "I'm not South African, I'm from Mozambique . I'm just here for the free housing"

The new arrival walks further and the next person he sees he stops, shakes hands and says, "Thank you for the wonderful South Africa !" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Botswana, I am not a South African .I'm just here for the free education"

He finally sees a lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a South African? She says, "No, I am from Ghana !"
So he is puzzled and asks her, "Where are all the South Africans?" The Ghana lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says..."Probably at work!"

*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*


*Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without
even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale R50." The next day someone stole it.*

*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*


*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???"*

**They Walk among us!!*

***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother
explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." *

**They Walk Among Us!!*

****
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!*

***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kgr.*

**They walk among us! *

****
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!*

***
My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... *

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!*

***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! *

***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!*

***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*

**Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!*

*Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!*

Honey, Not Tonight.


I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep…

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?”

I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY


In Florida, an atheist created a case against the coming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.

(How true this is i do not know i got it vua e-mail from a friend.)

20 Maniere om te weet jy is kommin.



1 Die Halloween pampoen op jou stoep het meer tande as jou girlfriend.

2 Jou twaalf jarige dogter mag rook by die tafel voor haar kinders.

3 Jy is al drie keer getroud maar jou skoonouers bly dieselfde.

4 Jy dink chicks wat nie in jou belangstel nie, bestaan nie.

5 Jack Daniels is op jou lys van mense wat jy graag wil ontmoet.

6 Jy wonder hoe die garages hulle toilette so skoon hou.

7 As iemand in jou familie al dood is nadat hulle gesê het, "Hey, check dit uit."

8 Jy dink Dom Perignon is 'n Mafia baas.

9 Jou vrou se hare het al vasgesit in die ceiling fan.

10 Jy dink Johnny Walker het die comrades gewen.

11 Jy het al 'n vuurhoutjie gestrike in jou huis en net die wiele het oorgebly na die ontploffing.

12 Jy kan nie met jou sweetheart trou nie omdat die wet dit verbied.

13 Jy dink om die skottelgoedwasser te laai is om jou vrou dronk te kry.

14 Jou toilet papier het bladsy nommers.

15 Jou engelse buurman skree, "Ho Down" en jou chick Val op die grond.

16 Jy het een volledige stel koppies en almal sê Wimpy.

17 Die grootste dorp wat jy al in was, was Boys Town .

18 Jou werkende TV sit Bo op jou gebreekte TV.

19 Jou bure dink jy is 'n speurder want die polisie bring jou altyd huis toe

20 Jy skree vir die SHARKS!!!!!

Monday, February 2, 2009

MEDEMENSLIKHEID.

Beste Vriende


So 'n paar dae gelede het ek in die pad afgestap, besig met my eie dinge. Voor my was een van daardie mense wat jy so baie in die stad sien deesdae.


Die persoon het geskeurde klere gehad en twee plastiek sakke seker vol 'n paar persoonlike besittingkies.

My hart het uitgegaan na die persoon. Sommige mense het verby gestap en gestaar, maar ander wat saam hulle vrouens en meisies was het verby gestap asof hulle niks sien nie.







Toe onthou ek my Christelike opbrengs, en onthou dat ek moet uitreik, omgee, en kos gee vir die wat dit nodig het. Ek het net gevoel dat ek moet uitreik na die mens.





Dit is waar dat sommige mense nie verby die geskeurde klere kan kyk nie maar ek het, en ek het die beeldskoonheid raak gesien. Terwyl ek gestap het en 'n stem binne my gesê....reik uit....reik uit.... en toe…… reik ek uit....





















Die dokter sê ek sal weer eendag kan loop, ek moet net baie oefen, maar tot dan stuur maar 'n kaartjie, of kom kuier te minste... Groete,

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

EPOL (A TALL TALE)


Nou die dag gaan koop ek 'n sak E_POL hondekos by Pick 'n Pay en terwyl ek so in die ry staan, vra 'n vrou agter my of ek 'n hond het.
Sommer aspris, sê ek vir haar: Nee, ek het nie 'n hond nie - ek begin weer met die E_POL diëet.

Ek sien sy kyk my so snaaks aan, maar ek gaan aan: "Eintlik weet ek dat ek nie weer op die diëet moet gaan nie, want laaskeer het ek in die hospitaal beland - wakker geword in die intensiewe eenheid met pype wat uit elke gaaitjie in my lyf kom . Maar ek het 22kg verloor voor en dit was die moeite werd."

Ek vertel haar dat die E_POL diëet eintlik volledig voedsaam is met al die vitamienes en minerale wat mens nodig het. En dis so maklik! Al wat jy doen is om jou broeksakke vol te maak met EPOL nuggets en jy eet een of twee wanneer jy ookal honger voel.

Teen hierdie tyd luister al wat 'n persoon is na my storie - veral die ou wat agter die vrou staan.
Heel geskok vra die vrou my toe of ek in die hospitaal beland het van voedselvergifting.

Ek antwoord toe: "Nee, ek het in die straat gesit en my privaatdele gesit en lek, toe 'n kar my raakry!"

EK DOG DIE OU AGTER HAAR KRY 'N HARTAANVAL VAN DIE LAG!
SIMPEL KOEI - VIR WIE HET SY GEDINK KOOP EK DIE HONDEKOS???????????/!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

12-01-2009


YESTERDAY I LOST MY FRIEND CARL THE BIG “C”.


I AM STILL IN SHOCK I DID NOT EXCPECT IT.


I AM GOING TO MISS YOU DUDE.


I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE NIGHTS YOU CAME AND SAT WITH ME WHILE I WORKED ON YOUR PAINTING.


YOU ALWAYS MADE ME LAUGH, I AM GOING TO MISS TEACHING YOU HOW TO TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS OR JUST SITTING AT YOUR HOUSE HAVING A DRINK AND SOLVING THE WORLDS PROBLEMS AFTER A FEW GLASSES OF JACKS WHILE LED ZEPPELIN PLAYED IN THE BACKGROUND.


I GUESS NOW YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THE THINGS WE SOMETIMES SPOKE ABOUT.


R.I.P. MY FRIEND.


PS. FRASER MISSIS YOU THE MOST.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2009


2009
Another year
I am on the road looking for my Gypsy,
In 2008 I lost her along the way…
I miss her soul next to me,
I miss her hand in mine,
I miss her arms around me when we raced
down the hill on my bicycle,
I miss her sms to me during the day,
I miss the long e-mails that she sent to me,
I miss you…
I miss…
I …

Thursday, December 4, 2008

THE WATCHMAN.


I was 14 years old when my father got a job, to be a farm manager of De Ridders drift. De Ridders drift was 1 of 3 farms in an area I will not mention, and belonged to a wealthy farmer in that district. I have never been back there again, after our brief stay there of 6 weeks it may be 8 I can’t remember. It has been 23 years since I was there yet, I can still remember it as if it had happened yesterday.



But let me start from the beginning. The man my dad got the job from I shall call Jones, he was one of the richest farmers in our country, and he offered my dad a huge salary per month to run De Ridders drift one of his wheat farms. We had a huge and beautiful old farm house to live in and the area around the house was a lush garden and tree’s all around, I remember my dad saying that the farm was so big it takes a full 2 days just to drive the perimeter in his bakkie. We moved there during the December holidays, and I would be enrolled in the boarding school located about 350km to the nearest town. I did not like the idea about not living with my mom and dad fulltime but understood why my dad took the job.



Now about Jones, from the first day I met the man he was strange to me almost weird as if he did not belong here on earth. Don’t get me wrong here Jones was a very friendly and open man always a smile on his face, but I saw something else in him, and for the life of me I could never understand why my Folks could not see it. From the second I laid eyes on him, I felt a sense of peace and only later in my life it dawned on me that, that weird feeling towards Jones was my 14 year old mind telling me that Jones had a very big secret in his life that he was hiding. Never the less I liked him.



On the far north side on the border of De Ridder drift, lay a bank of hills and at the foot of these hills was a large dam surround by tree’s mainly willows and a few berry bushes and other exotic plant life. My first week on the farm I asked dad if I could take the 50cc dirt bike and explore that hillside and dam. Dad said yes and after pleading with my mom she agreed reluctantly, I remember packing my rucksack with food and water and of I went on my great adventure.
It took me a good 2 hours to reach the edge of the tree’s among them I could see the calm blue water of the dam and on the other side the hills rising up to the sky. And here I spent the rest of the day exploring among the tree’s, around the dam and partly up one side of the hill witch rather looked more like a mountain once you stood by its foot.



On my way back home, driving on the side of the wheat fields which seem to go on and on with no end, I decided my next trip to the dam would be for fishing. I imagined myself walking into the house with a nice big catch, but at 14 it did not cross my mind what type of fish or even if there was any fish in that dam, all I could see in my mind’s eye was 2 or 3 huge fishes and the surprise and happiness on my parent’s faces.



The next week or few weeks that followed I helped my mom and dad on the farm and by the end of the last few days on the farm before we left for good I had a free day to myself and I decided to go and do some fishing. A few days before I had taken my fishing gear and I had hidden it at the side of the wheat field among some bushes because I wanted my big catch to be a surprise for my parents. So of I went early that morning during past the lush yellow wheat fields softly blowing in the wind.




Once there I stopped the dirt bike at the line of trees from there it was about a 400meter walk through the trees before you reached the dam. I remember as I got of the bike that the air around me was deadly silent. There was no bird chatter in the trees no noises of a light wind or the buzz of insects, all around me was silent to the point that I felt a tinge of fear in my belly. I looked back and about 100 meters away the wheat was still swaying in the wind, looking back at and up the trees all was frozen not a leave or branch moved.



That’s when I heard a noise, like a splash in the water, I slowly started walking towards the dam, forgetting why I was there in the first place. Moving among the trees I felt the deathly silence around me, slowly the view of the dam started opening up and then I stopped dead in my tracks. To my left I saw Jones on his knees arms in the air, wearing a funny white robe, he was at the edge of the water. He was loudly chanting in some weird language. After a few minutes the water started to ripple and then rise in front of Jones, and from the centre of the dam something was rising out of the water. And at this point my jaw dropped to the ground. Rising out of the water was what appeared to be 2 giant men also in white robes they hovered above the water, and then slowly moved towards Jones. At the edge of the water they crossed to the ground. At this point Jones was up and walking to them he stopped in front of them. All 3 then held their right hands up in the air almost like a Nazi salute they took turns mumbling in that strange language Jones was saying earlier. The 2 was men big and very tall at least 10meters high and the color of their skin were white like milk they both had long white hair down to almost their hips. One had what looked like a beard but I was too far away to make out any facial features. Then Jones himself started to shimmer and blur and in seconds he looked just like the 2 men.




At this point I let out a soft yelp in fear and all 3 the giants looked in my direction and all I could do was turn and run for all my life’s worth. Reaching the bike I jumped on and as I started it they came running out the trees towards me and could now clearly see their faces, big blue eyes and one had a beard. Hey boy stop one shouted in a loud voice. But fear took me beyond reason and I sped off at top speed on the bike, how I got home I could not remember, but my parents found me lying curled up in a ball at the front door mumbling insanely and when my dad picked me up I wet myself and screamed like a mad man.



I was catatonic for at least 2 days and when I came round mom dad and the local district doctor was sitting by my bed, when I told them what I saw the doctor raised his eyebrows and looked at my father, they both left the room and I never saw the doctor again. The next day dad was in the wheat fields, and mom was busy outside in the vegetable garden at the back of the house. As I was lying in bed the events at the dam ran in my head like a movie and I was wondering if I did not imagine it, and until now neither of my parents seem to believe me.



A soft knock on my door brought me back to reality and as the door opened in stepped Jones. As I opened my mouth to scream he jumped on the bed and tightly placed his hand over my mouth. Be silent my son I will take my hand away but if you so much as make a peep I will disappear before your mommy can reach the door, do you understand me. I slowly nodded yes. As he removed his hand I kept my lips tightly closed staring up at him. But now I felt peace and calmness welling up in me like a thunder storm. Then Jones reached into his pocket and took out a small white feather. Now, said Jones I am not going to hurt you I am going to say a prayer that will make you forget what you saw the other day, you might feel a little sleepy but that’s all. He must have read my mind because he answered exactly what I was thinking. What am I, he said, well I might as well tell you before I pray for you, I am not from this world son but from a far far away a place, your little mind won,t understand. And we are not here to kill and eat you we are here to observe the human race, we are watchers. It saddens us to see how you humans are destroying not just your self’s but also this beautiful planet you live on. I am sorry mister, I whispered softly, but I won’t hurt the world please don’t make me forget, please I beg you, I promise I won’t say a word. At this point Jones closed his eyes and softly mumbled, then as if getting an answer he nodded his head and looked at me with a smile, my master says you may remember, I wanted you to forget because I don’t like it when little children gets scared of us. Oh it happens you know people, fear us because we are so huge, or as you think, like giants.
You see my son you may remember because my master says that one day this will be your testimony to other people and that you are going to do a lot of good things in his name.
Jones smiled at me and then he said, but for now this must remain a secret until you turn 21, can you promise me and your master to do that.



Who is the master I asked? Oh, the one you and your mom and dad pray to every night he is the almighty God who made the heavens and earth, he who sent his only son Jesus to die for your sins. He, our master is lord Yahweh the one and only god from the heavens and earth.



I was stunned into silence and tears was running down my cheeks, and the only thing I felt was heart sore and a terrible sadness. What’s wrong my child Jones asked me? Can you tell Jesus something for me please, tell him I am sorry the people hurt and killed him, tell him I read all his deeds in the bible and I think he was a good and kind man, could you please tell him I love him and our great Father very much. Jones smiled and again closed his eyes after a few seconds he looked at me and said, Jesus and our Father says they love you very much, and that his host of angels shall look after you and your mom and dad. God also says to remember this day and that you must always follow his way for one day you must carry his word across the world.
I will I promise, I said.



That’s a good boy now I must go, but before I leave in a few days you and your parents will move away to the city for I need your father to work for me there, and their you will meet a preacher who will lead you in the ways of God, do you understand that my son.
I just nodded yes, then Jones leaned over me and kissed my forehead, he got up and walked out and slowly closed the door behind him.



This happened 23 years ago and I never saw the angel, Jones after that. But about a year ago as I was doing the closing prayer for a group of converted Christians in Moscow Russia, I looked across the room and Jones was standing at the door with a huge smile on his face he turned and walked out slowly closing the door behind him like that day when I was 14, and I felt great peace and love in my heart.