Judith.

Funny how things happen in this world. Last week I spoke to my lady friend Judith and she complains that she has a headache, so I gave her 2 pain tablets. Her “mild migrains” occur 2 to 3 times per week. So this week Tuesday she is on her way to work and while standing at the robot waiting for the light to go green another motorist smashes into the back of a woman’s car that was standing behind Judith hence she crashes in to Judith’s car. Luckily Judith gets a little whiplash and a few seatbelt bruises yet she is still taken for x-ray’s to see if she has any neck injuries.
As the doctor excamines the x-ray’s he sees a dark spot on the front part of Judith’s skull. They took the x-ray’s of Judith from her head to her shoulders, and the first thing the doc asks Judith, “Do you suffer from constant headache’s …?”

Yesterday she had a cat scan and a growth was found between the skull and brain what exactly it is they can’t say she must see a neurologist and the earliest appointment open is only in April. Apparently neurologists are scares in South-Africa and the ones that are here are booked full. So today Judith will go to her GP who will try to make a plan. I pray to God she can do something for my friend. Judith I know you are scared but all your friends and family are here and we pray and hope that God will help you in this hard time. You are not alone.

Al my liefde en sterkte aan jou my “maaikie”.

Gerhard.

Why do we work and pay tax in South Africa ?

A Zimbabwean arrives in Jo'burg as a new immigrant in South Africa . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. South African, for letting me in this country, and giving me free housing, food, free medical care, affirmative action job and free education!"

But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Nigerian. I'm just here for the free medical care"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in South Africa !"
The person says, "I'm not South African, I'm from Mozambique . I'm just here for the free housing"

The new arrival walks further and the next person he sees he stops, shakes hands and says, "Thank you for the wonderful South Africa !" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Botswana, I am not a South African .I'm just here for the free education"

He finally sees a lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a South African? She says, "No, I am from Ghana !"
So he is puzzled and asks her, "Where are all the South Africans?" The Ghana lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says..."Probably at work!"

*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*

*Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without
even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale R50." The next day someone stole it.*

*Caution... They Walk Among Us!*


*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???"*

**They Walk among us!!*

***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother
explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." *

**They Walk Among Us!!*

****
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!*

***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kgr.*

**They walk among us! *

****
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!*

***
My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... *

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!*

***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! *

***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"...*

**They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!*

***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*

**Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!*

*Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!*

Honey, Not Tonight.

I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep…

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?”

I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the coming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.

(How true this is i do not know i got it vua e-mail from a friend.)

20 Maniere om te weet jy is kommin.

1 Die Halloween pampoen op jou stoep het meer tande as jou girlfriend.

2 Jou twaalf jarige dogter mag rook by die tafel voor haar kinders.

3 Jy is al drie keer getroud maar jou skoonouers bly dieselfde.

4 Jy dink chicks wat nie in jou belangstel nie, bestaan nie.

5 Jack Daniels is op jou lys van mense wat jy graag wil ontmoet.

6 Jy wonder hoe die garages hulle toilette so skoon hou.

7 As iemand in jou familie al dood is nadat hulle gesê het, "Hey, check dit uit."

8 Jy dink Dom Perignon is 'n Mafia baas.

9 Jou vrou se hare het al vasgesit in die ceiling fan.

10 Jy dink Johnny Walker het die comrades gewen.

11 Jy het al 'n vuurhoutjie gestrike in jou huis en net die wiele het oorgebly na die ontploffing.

12 Jy kan nie met jou sweetheart trou nie omdat die wet dit verbied.

13 Jy dink om die skottelgoedwasser te laai is om jou vrou dronk te kry.

14 Jou toilet papier het bladsy nommers.

15 Jou engelse buurman skree, "Ho Down" en jou chick Val op die grond.

16 Jy het een volledige stel koppies en almal sê Wimpy.

17 Die grootste dorp wat jy al in was, was Boys Town .

18 Jou werkende TV sit Bo op jou gebreekte TV.

19 Jou bure dink jy is 'n speurder want die polisie bring jou altyd huis toe

20 Jy skree vir die SHARKS!!!!!

MEDEMENSLIKHEID.

Beste Vriende


So 'n paar dae gelede het ek in die pad afgestap, besig met my eie dinge. Voor my was een van daardie mense wat jy so baie in die stad sien deesdae.

Die persoon het geskeurde klere gehad en twee plastiek sakke seker vol 'n paar persoonlike besittingkies.

My hart het uitgegaan na die persoon. Sommige mense het verby gestap en gestaar, maar ander wat saam hulle vrouens en meisies was het verby gestap asof hulle niks sien nie.

Toe onthou ek my Christelike opbrengs, en onthou dat ek moet uitreik, omgee, en kos gee vir die wat dit nodig het. Ek het net gevoel dat ek moet uitreik na die mens.

Dit is waar dat sommige mense nie verby die geskeurde klere kan kyk nie maar ek het, en ek het die beeldskoonheid raak gesien. Terwyl ek gestap het en 'n stem binne my gesê....reik uit....reik uit.... en toe…… reik ek uit....

Die dokter sê ek sal weer eendag kan loop, ek moet net baie oefen, maar tot dan stuur maar 'n kaartjie, of kom kuier te minste... Groete,